In the world of couples therapy, there is a name that shines brightly - Dr. John Gottman. His expertise in the field of couples therapy is legendary, and his research has revolutionized our understanding of what makes relationships work. 

Who Is Dr. John Gottman? Dr. John Gottman's journey into understanding relationships began in the 1950s. He was driven by a profound curiosity about what makes some couples blissfully happy while others struggle with unhappiness. Over the years, he conducted extensive research, resulting in a remarkable achievement - a formula with over 90 percent accuracy for predicting whether newlyweds will divorce in the coming years. Dr. Gottman has authored over 40 books and published more than 190 research papers, making him an authority in the realm of couples and relationships.

Bids for Connection:

The Heart of Successful Relationships: At the core of Dr. Gottman's research is the concept of "bids for connection." But what exactly are these bids, and why are they so crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship? Bids for connection are essentially any attempt made by one partner to seek attention, affirmation, or communicate with the other partner. It's like a partner reaching out to the other in an effort to connect emotionally. These bids can take many forms - a comment, a question, or even a gesture. Successful couples engage in healthy bids for connection a remarkable 86% of the time, while couples who struggle in their relationships manage it only around 33% of the time. This stark difference emphasizes the importance of these bids in relationship dynamics.

Understanding Bids for Connection: An Example To better comprehend bids for connection, consider this scenario: Imagine a couple driving in a car together, with the man at the wheel. As they pass by a picturesque barn, the woman says, "Look at that barn, it's so beautiful." Now, there are three possible responses from the man, each with distinct outcomes:

1. Negative Response: The man reacts with irritation, saying, "Don't talk to me while I'm driving." This is a classic example of a failed bid for connection.

2. No Response: The man remains silent, seemingly ignoring his partner's comment. Again, this is a failed bid.

3. Positive Response: The man responds enthusiastically, saying, "Wow, that barn reminds me of Uncle Harry's barn. Remember how much fun we had when we visited?" This is a successful bid for connection.

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In successful relationships, bids for connection lead to engaging and positive exchanges, much like a lively ping-pong match. These interactions are the building blocks of romance and emotional intimacy within a relationship.

Up Your Bid Game for a Healthier Relationship: In your own relationship, it's essential to observe your bids for connection. Remember, they don't always need to result in grand conversations; even seemingly mundane exchanges matter. What's crucial is that when your partner makes a bid, you respond positively. This is what Dr. Gottman refers to as "turning towards" these bids for connection. By doing so, you foster emotional intimacy and strengthen the foundation of your relationship.